No matter how much we’d like to stay in one place it isn’t possible. Change is inevitable. Loss is part of life. We grow up, live our lives, build families, all while knowing we need to accept change as a part of our lives. The very concept of growing up is really about change and how much we are willing to do it.
Sometimes circumstances happen that make us change. They alter was…is fundamentally part of who we are. We get up every day, we do the same things, yet we are completely different on the inside. It might seem like nothing has changed, but deep down we know we have. Nothing will ever be the same. I never really considered how these things have made me into the person I am today. Life goes on… We love, we lose, we gain, and through it all life just goes on. Even when we want to curl up in a ball and give up it still goes on. We do what we have to in order to survive. We push through the pain to support those that are depending on us. Nothing and no one can ever make it right. But we know we have no other choice, because yes it bears repeating, life goes on.
I have lost a lot in my life. There are some that has lost more. Those losses have become a part of me and they have created the person I am today. There are times I wish I could change things in a different way. People say everything happens for a reason. Well you know what? I want to scream and say who freaking cares. That reason didn’t matter to me when my heart was ripped out. When people turn to me and say how sorry they are. It doesn’t help the people who are hurting way more than I am or ever could. Those reasons can be shoved in places no one ever wants to go.
It doesn’t matter what those reasons are. What does matter is we are still here. We need to find a way to move forward, be more than we are. Find strength when we didn’t think we had any more. Loss is hard to get through. It becomes a fundamental part of our inner being. We live and breath it. Life moves forward whether we want it to or not. We do things like go to work (bills need to be paid after all) prepare dinner (family needs to eat) go to sleep or not sleep depending on our frame of minds.
For me I promo a book when I’d rather not. I write blog posts to drain out my tumultuous thoughts and help get the word out about things in my world. Events get planned, contests go up, and life goes on. It has never left my mind that not too long ago loss was a shock that rocked my world. It still sits inside of me as part of my being. I still question why. It still doesn’t make any damn sense to me. The only difference between then and now is at least for me the loss isn’t as devastating as it was for others. The missing piece wasn’t a part of my daily life. It makes moving forward slightly easier, but no less heartbreaking. I can separate it and compartmentalize it enough to know I have no choice but to accept the change. There is no other choice left for any of us really but to accept that the thing that has changed, has altered us unrepairablely. None of us will ever be the same after the loss of someone we loved so much.
Just remember to breathe in and breathe out. Lean on those offering support. Keep moving forward and maybe in time when a stray thought rolls through your mind it won’t break you down. You’ll smile through the tears and know you’ve made it far enough to see the light at the end of the darkness. Someday for us all life doesn’t keep moving on. Appreciate it while you can.